I decided in 2020 to be open about my mental health disorder: Bipolar Disorder.
I recently took on a second seasonal job for the holiday. I was overly excited (manic) I was like a little kid running around excited on Christmas morning. I really enjoyed the IDEA of having the job. I worked at a retail store that I shopped frequently prior to being an employee. I specifically wanted to work this home decor store. I provided my availability and they gave me just that! My managers were cool my co-workers instantly became like a little family even the customers were cool!
After a couple weeks of working the commute the scheduling everything became too much. The job felt like a burden!
I also made adjustments to my meds so my emotions were all over the place I didn’t know if I wanted to sing a joyous hymn or ball up and cry in my bed all day. Getting up in the mornings to start my regular work day took all the energy and prayers I could muster up at 6 am.
I know how to fake it until I’m up again! That’s what I’ve always done! Having a Bipolar disorder means you have extreme highs known as manic episodes and you have lows. A manic episode can lead you on a flight out of the country to “find yourself” without a dollar in your account to fund the rest of the trip.
And when you’re low you sometimes can’t move out the bed. It’s not a completely hopeless situation because there’s meds that keep you balance! But when you make changes to your meds in the middle of a lifestyle change such as getting a new job or a second job etc it can be overwhelming! It can feel like the wind has been knocked out of you!
It was Saturday morning and I had to be at work that afternoon I laid in bed all morning like I was paralyzed. The mere idea of getting dressed and having to talk to people all day was just too much.
I didn’t even have the energy to call off. I promised myself I would do it later in the evening. My manager called twice and left very concerned messages and there I laid almost 40 and I was hiding under the covers. I just couldn’t handle explaining what was happening and I felt so guilty!
I believe she would’ve truly understood. But it was too much for me at the time! I tried to find an email or some way to communicate privately what was happening! I don’t mind sharing but sometimes it’s hard to introduce your real self to people! It’s been a week today and I’m back to somewhat of some normalcy and preparing for Christmas!
I’ll see you guys in 2020. Happy holidays to all and to all a good night!
Until next time…