The Beauty Of Black Women

Playing Dress Up

Most little girls play dress up and put on their mother’s heels, make up and like to feel like a princess. All our story books are filled with stories of romance. The sweet innocent princess is rescued by the handsome charming prince. As the story goes, Snow White  was under a spell and it took “true loves kiss” to wake her! As children, we think romance and beauty is what we see on tv. A fair skin young lady is seen as beautiful and women of color are portrayed as sassy.  When I was younger I remember seeing black women dancing around in videos in a very sexual way. The music was vulgar and the women appeared aggressive. Fast forward twenty something years later and not too much has changed. Black women are seen as aggressive and are unappreciated.

As a kid I thought beauty was fashion and makeup. I never considered the complexion of someone’s skin, social economic status etc as beauty. If your dress was nice and handbag was pretty I thought that that was beauty. As an adult I see beauty in everything. I see beauty in nature and in art! I want to know how other black women feel about beauty and how black women are perceived in society.  I decided to sit with Brandi Turner to get her take on beauty.

The Many Images of Black Women

As Brandi mentioned there are many different shades of black women. Which is a good thing! This idea that lighter skin black women are somehow more attractive than darker skin black women is a LIE! The lie continues to live because of how black women are portrayed in society and media. Remember the story of Snow White she was seen as sweet and innocent and needed to be rescued. She spoke softly and had fair skin. There are women that are that way, however, when you’re not why are you seen as loud, angry or obnoxious?  As black women society tends to go a step further and if we don’t take on that image we are seen as aggressive, rebellious and angry!

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I was raised by a single mother and I’m now a single parent. Obviously, no one plans to be a single parent, however, things happen.  There are fewer black women married than any other race.  Black men are more likely to date outside their race.

We’re not all single mothers there are plenty of successful black married couples. Meet Tamica Webb, she has been married to Peter for almost five years they have one son and a week ago she graduated from Columbia College and she’s’ my younger cousin!  Tamica and I sat down and talked about her perception of beauty as a black woman.

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Society plays a major role in the way we view beauty! I see beauty in everything. It’s so much more than the outer appearance of person. I’m so bored with videos, movies and all the images around us that try to push their beauty standards on to us.

You never see a full-figured women as the love interest in a movie as if full figured women aren’t being pursued! Why does the blonde have to play dumb?  Stop buying into the hype. I’m over it! I love beauty and fashion just like the next person but I buy what I like and if what I like just so happens to be on trend…well that’s even better!

African Immigrants Perception Of African Americans

Relationships can be so complex. We communicate differently, and don’t always understand one another.  We’re all different.  A lot of our differences has to do with our cultures, beliefs and ancestry. America is one big melting pot and immigration has always been a hot topic. Recently there has been a lot of talk about immigrants and deportation, from President Trump. Immigrants come to America to take part in what we sometimes take for granted, the American dream. As Americans we’re quick to give our opinion on immigration, and we forget to consider how immigrants view Americans.  I’ve always wondered what African immigrants think of African-Americans. Seven years ago, I interviewed Mohammad, an African immigrant from Ethiopia, and had a chance to get his view.

The interview takes place in his convenience store.  He is a graduate of Roosevelt High School, and moved to the states between the ages of twelve and fourteen.

 

 

We All Play A Part In Sexual Abuse

Sex is good sex is a blessing, sex is for procreation. Sex is a gift from God. Sex shouldn’t be used to control and overpower someone. It should be consensual.  It’s hard to ignore all the recent sexual allegations in Hollywood and politics. I’m not surprised at all by the accusations. I’ve heard rumors for years about sexual deviants within both industries. Our 42nd President Bill Clinton was accused of making sexual advancements with women who worked for him. Several women came forward  throughout Clinton’s career. One of the most memorable victims was Monica Lewinsky  their scandalous relationship occurred while Clinton was holding office in “The People’s House”. Bill Clinton was later impeachedhed, for multiple charges which included the Lewinnsky scandal.

I remember people (men) joking about how being president of the United States qualifies you to be able to receive fellatio from Monica Leweinsky or any other women of their choosing.  

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Monica Lewinsky

 

Judge Clarence Thomas scandal with Anita Hill also made headline news. In  Junior High we discussed the case and charges. I didn’t understand sexual harassment in the workplace. I understood sexual abuse and her coming forward exposed a very dark reality for many women in the work place.

Bill Cosby “Americas Dad” was alleged to have drugged and sexual assaulted dozens of women. In 2005 he admitted to drugging them with quaalludes in order to have sex. His brand has been tarnished but more importantly I hope his victim’s feelings have been reconciled.

Fast forward to 2016 a recording from several years back was leaked during the presidential campaign. It involved our current President Donald Trump casualing explaining to Billy Bush a Entertainment Reporter how he sexual assaults women and that they allow it because he’s a celebrity. Not too much in the past few thousand years. It’s 2017 and men feel like the have the right to dominate women in that way. Fortunatley,it’s more socially acceptable for the victims to speak out and  there are more platforms that allow both men and women to have a voice and hopefully invoke change.  When I first heard of the Weinstein scandal all I could think about is why didn’t they speak?

These predators are like having a pervy uncle in the family and everyone knows it. There have been rumors in the family for years about his sexual perversion, and yet he keeps being invited to family gathers and your told to avoid him. Everyone turns their head and pretend to not notice his behavior. How do you think that makes the victim feel? They remain silent!

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Terry Crews recently filled a suit against his alleged accuser, Adam Vinet.

I think a lot of  the victims fear becoming blacked balled or shrug it off as not a big deal. Look at Monica Lynskey her career ended before it really had a chance to began. No one has the right to sexually over power you! You should NEVER get used to this type of behavior this is not the role we have to play! The entertainment and political culture is dominated by predators who have power and a position of influence. I understand their fear not to come forward, but it gives the accurses more power to assault others because they think that their getting away with it. It is never too late to speak out against any type of abuse. It’s bigger than your career and remaining a starlet in Hollywood. We all have a responsibility to speak up and to be part of the solution if we want to see change. I think the #metoo campaign has helped a lot of people in and out of Hollywood to share their experiences and make a difference.

Unitl next time…

Too Much Of Anything Will Kill You

I haven’t’ been able to blog lately because I’ve been so engrossed in social media and t.v. and my more recent obsession is reading national and world news articles. Reading my daily articles are one the first things I do in the morning, after prayer. It’s NOT the best way to start your day..well  not for me, because you are distracted all day at work thinking about all of things happening around you.  I was over an hour late to work because I was reading news articles! I’ve been in twitter wars with people over politics and the Stockley verdict and you know what I got out of it? A bunch of nothing! Blogging is one of the few things I enjoy and I placed  it on the back burner. Both social media and t.v. can become a huge distraction. I had to take a break and regroup.

I guess part of the reason I’ve spent so much time distracted is because I’ve been avoiding the “what’s next” question. What are my next set of plans/goals. When you fill your head and spirit with too much of anything you lose focus and your goals become skewed. TV and social media are filled with advertisements designed  to entice you, as they should it’s a multi billion dollar industry! Networks and some of the people we “follow” are constantly selling us  products  and or images of what they want us to buy into. It’s so easy to spend hours throughout the day inhaling it all!

Imagine if that time was spent investing into your future. I know that social media and tv is a form of escape and entertainment. What I find most interesting is people sometimes use social media to “shop” and “lust” after other people’s lives. I don’t know if that makes sense to you or not 🙂  In short,  I’m working really hard at fighting distractions and putting my energy into things that that will answer my question of “what’s next”.

Until next time..

Who Asked For Your Opinion: Part II

Since my last blog post “Who Asked For Your Opinion” the word “opinion” has been mentioned at home and work!  You’ve asked for specific examples.  So, I’m going to give you what you want!  Whenever, the word opinion is used the preceding words AREN’T “thank you for your” it’s more like “who ASKED for your”.

I have so much to say…

I believe that you can say just about anything you want to anyone if it’s said in the right opinion05302017moment and tone! When I was ten or younger. My mother asked me why to do I talk so much and I responded, “because I have so much to say” and I do.  At 36 not too much has changed!  However, my approach has.  I’ve learned to have tact and read the room before responding. Now, with that being said I’ve said some inappropriate things to the wrong people at the wrong time. Some of things I’ve said have been very offensive and I’m a little embarrassed about it.  There’s no way I can possible detail all of the unwarranted comments I’ve made all in the name of “it just my opinion”. I’ll share a couple…

Say What?

I worked in Retail a few years back I was like 22 & 23 and my Manager was a few years older than myself. She was cool and a lot of fun! One day she did or said something that I thought was ridiculous and I told her she was so juvenile. I didn’t think it was a big thing until a few months later I  requested to change my hours/raise etc. and she mentioned that I called her immature, I corrected her and reminded her that I said she was juvenile and not immature. Needless to say things didn’t work out in my favor.

Another time I was at my friend’s place and she had a new sofa and I asked her “where’d you get this lil ugly thang”? she told me where… and that was that. A few months later my friend and I were hanging out with my co-worker who mentioned something about me and my “opinions’ and the two of them shared various times I’ve volunteered my opinion.  I had an old friend and new friend swapping stories…it was bad!  These were really innocent in comparison to some of other things I’ve said in other relationships.

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Sorry Guys…

I’ve made a lot of reckless comments in my twenties and beyond… my intentions weren’t intended to be mean. I just thought my opinion really mattered.

Some of the relationships in your life you have to use kid gloves and that’s ok. However, we all have relationships where you can be honest and real. Sometimes the people closes to you can’t handle the way in which you give your opinion. You have to have someone you’re accountable to…there should be someone that’s able to be real and raw with you, without you overacting. People don’t like to feel belittled, attacked or rejected. Sometimes, it’s best to sit back and listen.  I’ve learned to pray about certain things before giving my opinion.

If your friend is trying to squeeze in a pair of shoes and you can see their feet is bleeding, I think it safe for you to give your opinion.  Now if the shoes fit and you don’t like what they look like…who cares who asked you your opinion?

Hint Hint—> A. Wayne 🙂

Until next time…