The Beauty Of Black Women

Playing Dress Up

Most little girls play dress up and put on their mother’s heels, make up and like to feel like a princess. All our story books are filled with stories of romance. The sweet innocent princess is rescued by the handsome charming prince. As the story goes, Snow White  was under a spell and it took “true loves kiss” to wake her! As children, we think romance and beauty is what we see on tv. A fair skin young lady is seen as beautiful and women of color are portrayed as sassy.  When I was younger I remember seeing black women dancing around in videos in a very sexual way. The music was vulgar and the women appeared aggressive. Fast forward twenty something years later and not too much has changed. Black women are seen as aggressive and are unappreciated.

As a kid I thought beauty was fashion and makeup. I never considered the complexion of someone’s skin, social economic status etc as beauty. If your dress was nice and handbag was pretty I thought that that was beauty. As an adult I see beauty in everything. I see beauty in nature and in art! I want to know how other black women feel about beauty and how black women are perceived in society.  I decided to sit with Brandi Turner to get her take on beauty.

The Many Images of Black Women

As Brandi mentioned there are many different shades of black women. Which is a good thing! This idea that lighter skin black women are somehow more attractive than darker skin black women is a LIE! The lie continues to live because of how black women are portrayed in society and media. Remember the story of Snow White she was seen as sweet and innocent and needed to be rescued. She spoke softly and had fair skin. There are women that are that way, however, when you’re not why are you seen as loud, angry or obnoxious?  As black women society tends to go a step further and if we don’t take on that image we are seen as aggressive, rebellious and angry!

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I was raised by a single mother and I’m now a single parent. Obviously, no one plans to be a single parent, however, things happen.  There are fewer black women married than any other race.  Black men are more likely to date outside their race.

We’re not all single mothers there are plenty of successful black married couples. Meet Tamica Webb, she has been married to Peter for almost five years they have one son and a week ago she graduated from Columbia College and she’s’ my younger cousin!  Tamica and I sat down and talked about her perception of beauty as a black woman.

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Society plays a major role in the way we view beauty! I see beauty in everything. It’s so much more than the outer appearance of person. I’m so bored with videos, movies and all the images around us that try to push their beauty standards on to us.

You never see a full-figured women as the love interest in a movie as if full figured women aren’t being pursued! Why does the blonde have to play dumb?  Stop buying into the hype. I’m over it! I love beauty and fashion just like the next person but I buy what I like and if what I like just so happens to be on trend…well that’s even better!

Birthday Countdown…

Hey, In less than 30 days until my 38th birthday and just wanted to share a few words of encouragement!

 

 

 

Until next time…

We All Play A Part In Sexual Abuse

Sex is good sex is a blessing, sex is for procreation. Sex is a gift from God. Sex shouldn’t be used to control and overpower someone. It should be consensual.  It’s hard to ignore all the recent sexual allegations in Hollywood and politics. I’m not surprised at all by the accusations. I’ve heard rumors for years about sexual deviants within both industries. Our 42nd President Bill Clinton was accused of making sexual advancements with women who worked for him. Several women came forward  throughout Clinton’s career. One of the most memorable victims was Monica Lewinsky  their scandalous relationship occurred while Clinton was holding office in “The People’s House”. Bill Clinton was later impeachedhed, for multiple charges which included the Lewinnsky scandal.

I remember people (men) joking about how being president of the United States qualifies you to be able to receive fellatio from Monica Leweinsky or any other women of their choosing.  

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Monica Lewinsky

 

Judge Clarence Thomas scandal with Anita Hill also made headline news. In  Junior High we discussed the case and charges. I didn’t understand sexual harassment in the workplace. I understood sexual abuse and her coming forward exposed a very dark reality for many women in the work place.

Bill Cosby “Americas Dad” was alleged to have drugged and sexual assaulted dozens of women. In 2005 he admitted to drugging them with quaalludes in order to have sex. His brand has been tarnished but more importantly I hope his victim’s feelings have been reconciled.

Fast forward to 2016 a recording from several years back was leaked during the presidential campaign. It involved our current President Donald Trump casualing explaining to Billy Bush a Entertainment Reporter how he sexual assaults women and that they allow it because he’s a celebrity. Not too much in the past few thousand years. It’s 2017 and men feel like the have the right to dominate women in that way. Fortunatley,it’s more socially acceptable for the victims to speak out and  there are more platforms that allow both men and women to have a voice and hopefully invoke change.  When I first heard of the Weinstein scandal all I could think about is why didn’t they speak?

These predators are like having a pervy uncle in the family and everyone knows it. There have been rumors in the family for years about his sexual perversion, and yet he keeps being invited to family gathers and your told to avoid him. Everyone turns their head and pretend to not notice his behavior. How do you think that makes the victim feel? They remain silent!

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Terry Crews recently filled a suit against his alleged accuser, Adam Vinet.

I think a lot of  the victims fear becoming blacked balled or shrug it off as not a big deal. Look at Monica Lynskey her career ended before it really had a chance to began. No one has the right to sexually over power you! You should NEVER get used to this type of behavior this is not the role we have to play! The entertainment and political culture is dominated by predators who have power and a position of influence. I understand their fear not to come forward, but it gives the accurses more power to assault others because they think that their getting away with it. It is never too late to speak out against any type of abuse. It’s bigger than your career and remaining a starlet in Hollywood. We all have a responsibility to speak up and to be part of the solution if we want to see change. I think the #metoo campaign has helped a lot of people in and out of Hollywood to share their experiences and make a difference.

Unitl next time…

Telltale’s On Online Dating

Well I took my own advice from my older blog post Launch Out Into The deep For Love. I registered for POF or Plenty of Fish! Get it… Launch.. Out… Into… The.. Deep…POF…play on words! Ok, you get it! More importantly it’s a free site! A few years ago a co-worker told me about the site and I created an account which lasted about two hours! I met a guy that was attractive. Ok, so far so good.  He asked me what I like doing for fun? I answered with something corny and basic (corny & basic is trending) 🙂 I asked him the same question and his response was “I like to play with people”. What? Really? I closed my account right away.

 

Fast Forward…

Three years later I’m up late reading and sipping on wine, being a girl and I see a commercial for POF. I decided to give it a second chance. I’m always looking for something fun!

*Disclaimer* I personally know people who have found love of dating sites and I believe that it works. I’m not trying to discourage anyone from using a dating site.

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O.k. now the disclaimer  is out of the way I have to say that it wasn’t a bad experience overall. For the most part the guys were respectful. To be honest I didn’t take any of the conversations and or contacts seriously. The first red flag is when I saw my friend’s husband,  father of her kids, partner, boo or whatever on the site. He has a whole family at home why in the world was he on the site. Then there were a couple guys that sent messages like “I  want to worship your body”. Yep, they want worship my body!  Thanks…I guess. Then there were other guys who asked things like what do you like to do and they seemed really genuine but lived out of town! That’s not convenient at all but they were the most normal out of the bunch. I  I exchanged numbers with them and shared a few phone calls and text messages. I’m really bad  about texting. I will put the phone down and forget that I’m texting…which happened a couple times with one of the guys.

onlineDATINGI told a couple of guys to take a look at my blog! I don’t want to sound arrogant…like hey google me! LOL but it is a way to get to know someone.  I know that it’s a little lazy but it’s convenient. One of the guys who lived out of town was really interesting but I couldn’t get past his location! Which I’m not totally opposed to but realistically it wouldn’t work. He was really nice, intelligent and funny!  I think his experiences were more interesting than mine. He said that he was approached several times by individuals who are transgender.

He said that they were very attractive and he was unaware that they were trans. He explained how he was pursued and became somewhat familiar and  interested and then BAM he was hit over the head with “I’m trans”. He was introduced to a lot of technical terms pertaining to sex among other things that he couldn’t explain because it was all so new to him. I don’t know how all of that came up in a conversation on POF but I didn’t want to stick around and find out!  He felt like he had been catfished.

Dating in 2017…

Dating is different and more difficult.  I understand why some cultures arrange marriages. It really takes the hassle out of dating!  How can you discuss marriage without God? All you can do is respect others view on dating & marriage without out compromising your beliefs.

Until next time…

Too Much Of Anything Will Kill You

I haven’t’ been able to blog lately because I’ve been so engrossed in social media and t.v. and my more recent obsession is reading national and world news articles. Reading my daily articles are one the first things I do in the morning, after prayer. It’s NOT the best way to start your day..well  not for me, because you are distracted all day at work thinking about all of things happening around you.  I was over an hour late to work because I was reading news articles! I’ve been in twitter wars with people over politics and the Stockley verdict and you know what I got out of it? A bunch of nothing! Blogging is one of the few things I enjoy and I placed  it on the back burner. Both social media and t.v. can become a huge distraction. I had to take a break and regroup.

I guess part of the reason I’ve spent so much time distracted is because I’ve been avoiding the “what’s next” question. What are my next set of plans/goals. When you fill your head and spirit with too much of anything you lose focus and your goals become skewed. TV and social media are filled with advertisements designed  to entice you, as they should it’s a multi billion dollar industry! Networks and some of the people we “follow” are constantly selling us  products  and or images of what they want us to buy into. It’s so easy to spend hours throughout the day inhaling it all!

Imagine if that time was spent investing into your future. I know that social media and tv is a form of escape and entertainment. What I find most interesting is people sometimes use social media to “shop” and “lust” after other people’s lives. I don’t know if that makes sense to you or not 🙂  In short,  I’m working really hard at fighting distractions and putting my energy into things that that will answer my question of “what’s next”.

Until next time..