What Season Are you In?

Hi,

I had a chance to sit down and catch up with Melonie of Fit Diva and she had a lot to say about balancing all the many roles that she plays.

“How do I manage being a wife, mom, work and enturpurnuership? Honestly this was a very hard question to unpack because, like most women majority of the time I feel like I’m failing at them all. As I grow im learning to celebrate myself more and that includes really digging deep to aknowlage I’m actually winning NOT failing at all of the hats I wear.

The best words I can use to say HOW are “FOUNDATION” AND SEASONS. I have lived to learn how to KEEP my FAITH & FAMILIES as the FOUNDATION of my roles and let everything else become important or priority over the other in its own season. I have learned how to make every role in my life work for each other in the right season. In this seasons I need my 9 to 5 to fund the vision that drives my business.

This KEEPS me super focused and determined to soak up as many tools and skills and foster good relationships from corporate America to apply to Fit Diva. Now don’t get me wrong things do fall through the cracks and some things go in lack from time to time but those times have taught me how to step back and take breaks so that I can re- assess my priorities.

When I feel like I am spinning out of control I pause and plug into my life sources. I ask for clarity from GOD and comfort from my husband and kids. These are some of the tools and concepts I apply to change the naritve of NOT being a FAILURE but a consistant SUCCESS at all of the things I have been called to do IN THEIR RIGHTFUL SEASONS”!

I can totally relate to Melonie’s message about seasons and finding balance to pursue the things God has predestined you to do!

Until next time…

The Beauty Of Black Women

Playing Dress Up

Most little girls play dress up and put on their mother’s heels, make up and like to feel like a princess. All our story books are filled with stories of romance. The sweet innocent princess is rescued by the handsome charming prince. As the story goes, Snow White  was under a spell and it took “true loves kiss” to wake her! As children, we think romance and beauty is what we see on tv. A fair skin young lady is seen as beautiful and women of color are portrayed as sassy.  When I was younger I remember seeing black women dancing around in videos in a very sexual way. The music was vulgar and the women appeared aggressive. Fast forward twenty something years later and not too much has changed. Black women are seen as aggressive and are unappreciated.

As a kid I thought beauty was fashion and makeup. I never considered the complexion of someone’s skin, social economic status etc as beauty. If your dress was nice and handbag was pretty I thought that that was beauty. As an adult I see beauty in everything. I see beauty in nature and in art! I want to know how other black women feel about beauty and how black women are perceived in society.  I decided to sit with Brandi Turner to get her take on beauty.

The Many Images of Black Women

As Brandi mentioned there are many different shades of black women. Which is a good thing! This idea that lighter skin black women are somehow more attractive than darker skin black women is a LIE! The lie continues to live because of how black women are portrayed in society and media. Remember the story of Snow White she was seen as sweet and innocent and needed to be rescued. She spoke softly and had fair skin. There are women that are that way, however, when you’re not why are you seen as loud, angry or obnoxious?  As black women society tends to go a step further and if we don’t take on that image we are seen as aggressive, rebellious and angry!

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I was raised by a single mother and I’m now a single parent. Obviously, no one plans to be a single parent, however, things happen.  There are fewer black women married than any other race.  Black men are more likely to date outside their race.

We’re not all single mothers there are plenty of successful black married couples. Meet Tamica Webb, she has been married to Peter for almost five years they have one son and a week ago she graduated from Columbia College and she’s’ my younger cousin!  Tamica and I sat down and talked about her perception of beauty as a black woman.

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Society plays a major role in the way we view beauty! I see beauty in everything. It’s so much more than the outer appearance of person. I’m so bored with videos, movies and all the images around us that try to push their beauty standards on to us.

You never see a full-figured women as the love interest in a movie as if full figured women aren’t being pursued! Why does the blonde have to play dumb?  Stop buying into the hype. I’m over it! I love beauty and fashion just like the next person but I buy what I like and if what I like just so happens to be on trend…well that’s even better!

Telltale’s On Online Dating

Well I took my own advice from my older blog post Launch Out Into The deep For Love. I registered for POF or Plenty of Fish! Get it… Launch.. Out… Into… The.. Deep…POF…play on words! Ok, you get it! More importantly it’s a free site! A few years ago a co-worker told me about the site and I created an account which lasted about two hours! I met a guy that was attractive. Ok, so far so good.  He asked me what I like doing for fun? I answered with something corny and basic (corny & basic is trending) 🙂 I asked him the same question and his response was “I like to play with people”. What? Really? I closed my account right away.

 

Fast Forward…

Three years later I’m up late reading and sipping on wine, being a girl and I see a commercial for POF. I decided to give it a second chance. I’m always looking for something fun!

*Disclaimer* I personally know people who have found love of dating sites and I believe that it works. I’m not trying to discourage anyone from using a dating site.

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O.k. now the disclaimer  is out of the way I have to say that it wasn’t a bad experience overall. For the most part the guys were respectful. To be honest I didn’t take any of the conversations and or contacts seriously. The first red flag is when I saw my friend’s husband,  father of her kids, partner, boo or whatever on the site. He has a whole family at home why in the world was he on the site. Then there were a couple guys that sent messages like “I  want to worship your body”. Yep, they want worship my body!  Thanks…I guess. Then there were other guys who asked things like what do you like to do and they seemed really genuine but lived out of town! That’s not convenient at all but they were the most normal out of the bunch. I  I exchanged numbers with them and shared a few phone calls and text messages. I’m really bad  about texting. I will put the phone down and forget that I’m texting…which happened a couple times with one of the guys.

onlineDATINGI told a couple of guys to take a look at my blog! I don’t want to sound arrogant…like hey google me! LOL but it is a way to get to know someone.  I know that it’s a little lazy but it’s convenient. One of the guys who lived out of town was really interesting but I couldn’t get past his location! Which I’m not totally opposed to but realistically it wouldn’t work. He was really nice, intelligent and funny!  I think his experiences were more interesting than mine. He said that he was approached several times by individuals who are transgender.

He said that they were very attractive and he was unaware that they were trans. He explained how he was pursued and became somewhat familiar and  interested and then BAM he was hit over the head with “I’m trans”. He was introduced to a lot of technical terms pertaining to sex among other things that he couldn’t explain because it was all so new to him. I don’t know how all of that came up in a conversation on POF but I didn’t want to stick around and find out!  He felt like he had been catfished.

Dating in 2017…

Dating is different and more difficult.  I understand why some cultures arrange marriages. It really takes the hassle out of dating!  How can you discuss marriage without God? All you can do is respect others view on dating & marriage without out compromising your beliefs.

Until next time…

Press Through

I haven’t blogged in a really long time and with all of the things happening in the US, there’s plenty to talk about. I have so many things to share, but I will keep it simple and focus on what’s been pressing at my heart.

I spent time with a really good friend of mine this weekend and we were talking about life, faith, family and community. She said something that really resonated with me…she said, “we need to turn our pain into purpose”. She’s right! With all the crime, racial and political division, depression, poverty etc. it is easy to get caught up in the hype of it all. We’re so focused on the presidential campaign that we’re forgetting people are still without basic needs, food, shelter, clothing.

This has been a really emotional year for me. With all of the many challenges I’ve faced this year such as; someone breaking into my home and struggling to replace the things that were stolen from my family. My eleven year old is now too afraid to sleep in his room or live in the house. The good thing is we live in a rental and the lease will be up next month. It’s been hard to pull up in front of a house that was vandalized and call it home. I wanted to break my lease and run away I felt so violated but, I had to press through and encourage my son when I needed someone to encourage me. Some of the people at work were shocked when I told them about the robbery because I kept smiling and coming in to work. You have to press through the bad days in order to get to the good days.

We all have something that we’re struggling with. We must move forward and redirect our focus from our pain and turn into something purposeful. Participate in a cause or group that shares your same life mission. Help others to overcome their fears and challenges. Start a group or a club with other like minded people. Do whatever it takes to start feeling better about life. Someone needs to know your story because it will give them hope and empower them to be free.

Until next time…

Marriage: Is It Right For me?! ( Part I)

As a single woman in Christ, I’m waiting for God to bring my mate and me together. For a long time, I didn’t really understand what it meant to be one with another person. I memorized Bible verses on marriage, and I thought that was all I needed. I hadn’t ever seen a real godly marriage. I have heard people reminisce about the good man that they used to have, but I’ve never really seen people put in the work to have a successful marriage or relationship. I was raised by a single parent. I understand that sometimes, things don’t work out. Most families in my neighborhood consisted of a mother and one, two, or more children, who, sometimes, had different fathers. As a kid, I learned early on that, if it’s not working out, you have the option to leave.

I was proud that I memorized a few scriptures on marriage, however God wanted more out of me. He wanted me to learn how to avoid being a quitter. After spending time with God through prayer and heartache, I began to commit myself to God’s will and purpose for my life. God gave me understanding about marriage and how it related to me. I believe marriage is something I can be successful at.

Marriage is more than what we see in the world. It’s more than what looks good on paper and what a person can do for you. It is what the two who are married can do for God. You must truly walk with God in order to have a healthy relationship with anyone. You have to spend time with our heavenly father and let Him be lord over your marriage.

Until next time…