The Beauty Of Black Women

Playing Dress Up

Most little girls play dress up and put on their mother’s heels, make up and like to feel like a princess. All our story books are filled with stories of romance. The sweet innocent princess is rescued by the handsome charming prince. As the story goes, Snow White  was under a spell and it took “true loves kiss” to wake her! As children, we think romance and beauty is what we see on tv. A fair skin young lady is seen as beautiful and women of color are portrayed as sassy.  When I was younger I remember seeing black women dancing around in videos in a very sexual way. The music was vulgar and the women appeared aggressive. Fast forward twenty something years later and not too much has changed. Black women are seen as aggressive and are unappreciated.

As a kid I thought beauty was fashion and makeup. I never considered the complexion of someone’s skin, social economic status etc as beauty. If your dress was nice and handbag was pretty I thought that that was beauty. As an adult I see beauty in everything. I see beauty in nature and in art! I want to know how other black women feel about beauty and how black women are perceived in society.  I decided to sit with Brandi Turner to get her take on beauty.

The Many Images of Black Women

As Brandi mentioned there are many different shades of black women. Which is a good thing! This idea that lighter skin black women are somehow more attractive than darker skin black women is a LIE! The lie continues to live because of how black women are portrayed in society and media. Remember the story of Snow White she was seen as sweet and innocent and needed to be rescued. She spoke softly and had fair skin. There are women that are that way, however, when you’re not why are you seen as loud, angry or obnoxious?  As black women society tends to go a step further and if we don’t take on that image we are seen as aggressive, rebellious and angry!

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I was raised by a single mother and I’m now a single parent. Obviously, no one plans to be a single parent, however, things happen.  There are fewer black women married than any other race.  Black men are more likely to date outside their race.

We’re not all single mothers there are plenty of successful black married couples. Meet Tamica Webb, she has been married to Peter for almost five years they have one son and a week ago she graduated from Columbia College and she’s’ my younger cousin!  Tamica and I sat down and talked about her perception of beauty as a black woman.

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Society plays a major role in the way we view beauty! I see beauty in everything. It’s so much more than the outer appearance of person. I’m so bored with videos, movies and all the images around us that try to push their beauty standards on to us.

You never see a full-figured women as the love interest in a movie as if full figured women aren’t being pursued! Why does the blonde have to play dumb?  Stop buying into the hype. I’m over it! I love beauty and fashion just like the next person but I buy what I like and if what I like just so happens to be on trend…well that’s even better!

Does Size Really Matter?

I’ve been really busy this month between my birthday, arranging summer activities and finishing a few projects.  Obviously, the highlight of June has been my birthday but the down side to turning 37 is I’m still single!  At 37 most people have a good sense of self and know what they want in a spouse. But why are there so many single men and women. Is there a lack of good men and women or is it because we’re dating the wrong type of person?

When you’re single people tend to offer their advice to try and make sense of why you’re single.  The most common things I’ve heard are “it’s not your time,” understandable… “two is better than one” agreed… and “everyone needs somebody” ok simple enough…lets move on!  I’m ready to be married and I enjoy my own company. I’m naturally a busy body  and because of that people think that I’m too busy to date.  I make time for what I want to make time for. Oh, and my least favorite is “you’ll meet someone when you lose weight” but not necessarily in that order. So, does size matter? I don’t accept this as truth.  I think it’s important to be the best version of yourself for yourself!

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 An example of how the media reminds you that you are not enough. 

It’s ok for someone to prefer a smaller leaner frame over my robust frame. I’m not offended that I’m not someone’s type! That would be ridiculous for me to be upset about something like that. I have preferences too which are probably border line and may be one of the reasons I’m still single 😊  The Media has great influence on how society views body image dating and relationships. Everyone wants to be someone they’re not. People are overly obsessed with body image.  I’ll walk down my version of lover’s lane and you walk yours.sizemattersoverweight

A few years ago, I took the Five Love Languages quiz.  Which is designed to help you learn you and your partner’s love language.  My top love language is Acts of service. I like being in relationships with people who like doing things for me. It can be as simple as taking out the trash without me having to ask. I found the quiz to be both entertaining and spot on. It perfectly summed up my love language. Not only does it help you learn things about yourself it helps with understanding some of your partner and children needs.

 

Until next time…

 

Who Asked For Your Opinion: Part II

Since my last blog post “Who Asked For Your Opinion” the word “opinion” has been mentioned at home and work!  You’ve asked for specific examples.  So, I’m going to give you what you want!  Whenever, the word opinion is used the preceding words AREN’T “thank you for your” it’s more like “who ASKED for your”.

I have so much to say…

I believe that you can say just about anything you want to anyone if it’s said in the right opinion05302017moment and tone! When I was ten or younger. My mother asked me why to do I talk so much and I responded, “because I have so much to say” and I do.  At 36 not too much has changed!  However, my approach has.  I’ve learned to have tact and read the room before responding. Now, with that being said I’ve said some inappropriate things to the wrong people at the wrong time. Some of things I’ve said have been very offensive and I’m a little embarrassed about it.  There’s no way I can possible detail all of the unwarranted comments I’ve made all in the name of “it just my opinion”. I’ll share a couple…

Say What?

I worked in Retail a few years back I was like 22 & 23 and my Manager was a few years older than myself. She was cool and a lot of fun! One day she did or said something that I thought was ridiculous and I told her she was so juvenile. I didn’t think it was a big thing until a few months later I  requested to change my hours/raise etc. and she mentioned that I called her immature, I corrected her and reminded her that I said she was juvenile and not immature. Needless to say things didn’t work out in my favor.

Another time I was at my friend’s place and she had a new sofa and I asked her “where’d you get this lil ugly thang”? she told me where… and that was that. A few months later my friend and I were hanging out with my co-worker who mentioned something about me and my “opinions’ and the two of them shared various times I’ve volunteered my opinion.  I had an old friend and new friend swapping stories…it was bad!  These were really innocent in comparison to some of other things I’ve said in other relationships.

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Sorry Guys…

I’ve made a lot of reckless comments in my twenties and beyond… my intentions weren’t intended to be mean. I just thought my opinion really mattered.

Some of the relationships in your life you have to use kid gloves and that’s ok. However, we all have relationships where you can be honest and real. Sometimes the people closes to you can’t handle the way in which you give your opinion. You have to have someone you’re accountable to…there should be someone that’s able to be real and raw with you, without you overacting. People don’t like to feel belittled, attacked or rejected. Sometimes, it’s best to sit back and listen.  I’ve learned to pray about certain things before giving my opinion.

If your friend is trying to squeeze in a pair of shoes and you can see their feet is bleeding, I think it safe for you to give your opinion.  Now if the shoes fit and you don’t like what they look like…who cares who asked you your opinion?

Hint Hint—> A. Wayne 🙂

Until next time…